He & I were always together & even had the same thoughts many times surprising ourselves when we spoke of them. I wish peace for all our hearts. Dad in January so I have no family. After all, without hope and faith, what do we have? I want to stop feeling sadI am a practical person who understands all people die, the world keeps spinning. People say you need to find love again. In that, certain things will trigger moments of grief that did not occur in year one. All I do is cry. . The first year was being tired and on high alert I was now dad and mom and single. I miss him every second of the day, that will never change. Why are you tormenting me like this?! One day we are shopping, and the next day Im dealing with his death. I am just that a misfit. I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. I keep thinking if I try and do things like he used to, he will be happy when he comes back and then I remember. Its 2 and a half years now but I still feel I cant live a normal life . He died in hospice and seeing him in a comma 9 days, and finally passing on still plays in my mind. I work , but hate my job.I try to find a sense of normality. I live each day knowing its going to be according to the lords plan. I was a nurse for 17 yrs, and I could see the signs. He passed away on July 27 2018. I have always been a sensitive person and now I am finding I take things too personally and feel hurt or angry. Whatever the truth of mortality is, I wish someone would have told me in those early months that no one else can know or own your love. My mind keeps going over all of the treatments and hospital stays and all the hopes we had of him getting better of no avail. He was 48 and we were married 27 years. My crying break downs are now short and fewer, but any little memory can set me off. I thank the Lord for giving me life but living is one of the most difficult things Ive ever had to do. Mike agreed to go on another one of my adventures. At the end of the dream he touched my shoulder and said he was ok with what I was now doing (I wont go into details about that), but, to be cautious of how I was spending my money. So, I knew he was not mad at me only concerned that I take care of myself and to make wise monetary decisions. I loved her so very much and nothing in life has hurt as bad as losing her and the feelings of guilt and believing I murdered her no matter what anyone says. Linda and Anndont you wish people like ourselves could do things with each other when we are going through a difficult time? So I hope and pray you find comfort and some measurable amount of peace. Dont listen to anyone who says you are depressed and need therapy! She and I would go Black Friday shopping. I am just pretending Im ok, so my family does not worry about me, as I know I got to be strong for them. Im so angry about that now, I could have took better care of him here with us. I lost my husband of 63 years It was such a comforting dream and I was so glad to hear from him:), It does and Im searching for answers on how to ever repair my broken heart God Bless you in this unwanted journey. He, of course, was very good at taking care of us all when we were sick. Im carrying my grief alone, with friends that will never understand the pain, and a sister that is suffering just as much as me. However, the helpful responses live on, and one of them was absolutely incredible. When the ship is first wrecked, youre drowning, with wreckage all around you. He never smoked but had to have a lung transplant. I wish you the best on your journey. Many blessings for all of you. Stay busy. It seams harder now than the first year.I am always wondering will it ever be better or will life just be like this,just go through the motions.I lost a son 16 years ago my mother passed 5weeks before he did,I made it threw that but this so different,no (one can understand that),this hurt goes beyond that for me,does it ever get any better? 1. Who I am very proud to have and love them all dearly. I hope we both gain some life of normalcy.. Take one day at a time, keep your own pace, and take care of yourself the way your spouse would if only they were here thats a great way to honour them. Linda, I was with my husband less than ten years, I have found time together is not what counts, it is how deeply you loved. Now without her? Take care. I was only 19 when he passed away. Im pretty much numb. The first year was filled with a kind of silliness, overall weirdnessi guess from shock..i was busy with the estate stuff and running around getting the legal things done i had to do. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss. Im a forty six year old widow and had been with my husband eight years. This will never get better or easier I cant go outside. And that you do, move on with your life. presidential tweets can be entertaining or they can spin me downward as i dont have my hubby to discuss this craziness with. This tiny fragile angel was the strongest person I have ever known. Unbeknownst to either of us he had a very enlarged heart. I hope you learn to cope with this terrible grief, I hope you have people who are kind and stay around you. But learning how to refocus away from the loss and on to small or meaningful distractions will create pockets of respite. I find hard to go on with life. It has been 18 years since I lost my husband, and I will tell you, it does get easier. I too lost my soul mate and love of my life 17 months ago after 24 wonderful years together. 22 years together. The one thing I found was when my mum passed I felt lonely even though there were people around me. what I had with Glenna. Theres a spot right around where my heart is that just aches and aches and aches. I feel your pain my husband died 6 months ago i want to give up but some how you learn to live again i pray alot i miss him he will always be in my heart i try to keep my mind on diffrent things i watch funny move ies go to the park the only thing is trying to sleep at night i cant give up he would have want me to live i know in my heart i will see him again am only 50 i still have a chance to be happy again i pray for you that god will take some of the hurt away and help you and gave you the peace you need to get through this this two shall pass, I definitely understand more then words can express. Finally I want to say thank you to the lady whose post mentioned being in Lowes and becoming so frustrated that she left. Things will get better and you are not alone. " People often say that time heals all wounds. Because as time passes and people around us go back to their lives a griever can beleft with nothingbutgrief. He was like a Dad to me since my own wasnt he stepped up and took very good care of me. I left the hospital without my child and a shirt with all her blood on it. Ill say my farewell now to you all . You can keep and display it, give it to family members or friends, or donate it in memory of your beloved. He was my best friend as well as my Father. My husband of 29 years died 21 months ago after a three year illness he was only 55. I just cant. I read The Year of Magical Thinking and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. Reality for me says it will never completely subside. I dont like telling anyone how I feel because I think they We did everything together. For example, the function returns "4 months" between the dates 9/30/15 and 2/28/16 (even though the 28th is the last day of the month). My husband died after autopsy report. words feeling the loss thats in my heart. I believe the first year I was numb. I too, was 54 and now in my second year of grief. That actually happened a few times 2 of which seemed very real. I guess we are never really prepared for the death of a loved one. Dr was right December 10, 2016 he passed. I lost my husband on 4/8/2017, and my wworld fell apart. I did not understand that we had such a deeper connection than others may have. We had problems for a while because of her addiction that she had struggle with for a few years from Pain medication and anxiety and other mental health medication. Psychiatrists want to put me on SSRIs and mood stabilizers because they believe I have bipolar disorder as a result of fluctuating moods. I miss him more now than the first year he was gone. Wants me to be happy to live my life and get on with it. I talk to my husband. I lost my son and then his father 150 days later. The pain was unbearable, especially going to his grave. Thank you. I am living in France and English is my second langue. My husband died in Feb 18 after 3 years struggle with multiple system atrophy. It helps to try and be as present in the moment as I can yet still I have no appetite. I can totally understand these feelings. But i have hope it will get better. Itll be 2 years in August since my husband passed away and my life has changed forever.I long to join him but know I have to keep going one step at a time one breath at a time. Ann Marie it gets better slowly. She passed after 8 months. I been trying to get my life in order such as trying to find a job. I watched his body deteriorate over the next 8 months, and I was at his bedside when he passed. That is strangely comforting to remember that. "The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one's grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible.". Hi everyone! I dont know when either of us will find hope or joy again. Never to forget the wonderful years that you shared. I know the biggest star in the sky that is shining the most is you. Im disabled so i walk with a caneand in constant pain from that. If only I could go back and do things differently but it still wouldnt change the outcome. Sometimes it just feels like a bad dream. My husband died 2 years ago (his anniversary, April 20, 2019). A statement was issued on his social media accounts, saying he "died peacefully . Every day I beat myself up thinking about what I should have and could have done to help her in her passing. A person in this stage may feel the need to keep busy all the time, or do what they . I still cry over losing him, his voice, his jokes, his love. I am afraid that if I dont learn to balance my grief with finding happiness I will jeopardize a future together. I gave up everything of my old life when I came home and I dont regret a minute of it but now I feel so lost. I Sang to him while he was there passing. He died 6/12/17 of sarcoma cancer. The reason I say this is that he was 80 years old had a good life and I am not on my own as I have a wonderful husband and yet the tears still flow. I am trying to live in hope that things will get better. I lost my beautiful wife of 40 years. Husband and I were inseparable we did things together from doing laundry, taking walks etc. I lost my Hiya Holly. We try to support each other. I was her caregiver for her last six months. He sent me an email before he died. It was he and I for 37 years. I feel so helpless and guilty to have lost her. The Other Side of Grief is a series about the life-changing power of loss. Im not suicidal, but I really dont care if I go on living, or not. All this time I felt hopeless, guilty, sad, mad, upset, confused, tired, but more than anything miserable. I know Dan will offer a prayer for all our lost loved ones. But, I had to stop after his death & I was sick. Please stay strong. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. Our son, Kevin, died on January 28, 2017. He left behind a 5 year old boy. My best wishes and I hope you and I find that path. RKD. Its so much to deal with even with a grievance counselor. I found him within seconds. She was my best friend and soulmate. I know I will have to carry this pain around until I die too, because it will never ease. My husband has been gone for 5 1/2 months now and there are days I am almost immobile with the grief; I didnt even know it was possible to cry this hard or that it could actually cause physical pain to grieve. Getting in touch with other widows/ widowers has helped, though. I think the hardest part for me is that no one misses me if I dont come home at night after work or any other time for that matter, its incredibly frightening to be in this world alone. One feels so empty. I am 76 and my husband of 54 years died unexpectedly 3 months before our 55th anniversary. But what works for any of us is up to us, ourselves. I try to filter the thoughts in my mind so as not to feel the pain. Well then so so much has been such a consequence that its like my late husband made use meet. Minimizing change gives the cat time to come to terms with the loss of a companion cat. This keeps me very busy, but after so much love and total togetherness in everything with my dear sweet love, it does not ease the pain One night in November 2016, I went to the bedroom to cry, he heard me and to the best of his ability he called out and said Dont Do That! I struggled to gain my composure so I could return to his bedside,(in living room). I guess I will have to find a way to go forward, but I still miss him so much. 151.9K Likes, 1.5K Comments. Dont expect today to be hard and tomorrow to be easy. My then 7 year old daughter found him first. It presents itself in a million little ways throughout the day and night. I am very active in my church have lovely friends and family but they are busy caring for their own lives. I feel just like you have expressed. Scars are only ugly to people who cant see. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, We lost our 16yo child to suicide four months ago. My daughter is 15. After being married 53 years I just have no idea what to do without him. I watched him wither away. But.. Ive said it many times: nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can prepare us for the finality of death. Your baby's memory expands quickly in their first year of life. Like trying to collect hundreds of acorns in your arms and they keep falling while you desperately try to hang on to each and every one. From the day we met until the day she died was 7 days less than a year. Its 2 years since I lost my husband n best friend. I was told theres no heartbeat, his heart stop beating that they have to take the tubes out. . Now I was worried am I on the rebound am I needing to be with anyone . Lost my husband 2 yrs 4 months its hard I have good days but I need someone to talk to thats not family. I believe the first year I was numb. I keep begging Stephen to come back,I scream at him. After I took him off life support. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. In an odd way, I dont want to be done because I feel like if I stop thinking about her then that means I have stopped loving her (which I know isnt true, but thats how it feels). It seem hes moving farther & farther away I wish I could say I was moving closer to the time I will see him again, but his absence is absolutely crushing, and all I can see is that he is not here anymore my beloved guy. I want to thank everyone that has posted above, it makes you realize that it isnt just you and the people that says you have to move on, find a purpose just flat out dont understand. My oldest daughter invited use all and her boyfriend to have Xmas dinner at hers. Could you kindly help me to contact Emma J Andrews Please? I wish there was a bigger word than love that could describe how I felt for her. I am ready to lie in bed until I am gone. Even though they told me that he was going to die I didnt believe it for a minute. I used to wake to a tear soaked pillow but that hasnt happened in a while. Our hope is in Heaven. When I left there somethnig came over me and I knew what happened there was WAY bigger than anything I could have imagined. I remarried in 2012 after dating for 5 years my second husband died 6 weeks later of heart attack on his way to work at the fire department. I loved My wife 12/15/2018 just a week before Christmas Just a week before that she got to see most of her family at her grandmothers funeral. He died from septic shock brought on from diverticulitis in a little over 30 hours. He died in my arms. I feel like time has stopped as I am in a complete never ending story of several emotions at one time. When you lose someone that close to you it is the one time when you can tell the whole world to go jump in a lake if it expects you to get on with things. I lost my HEART Dog Cody on May 22nd, he died unexpectedly. Jackie, you spoke the words of my heart. Yes, the lack of interest in things, the TV watching, but you do say you have faith it will get easier. The waves, as mentioned still come but now we feel the need to hide them which isolates us more. Be kind to yourself and know that with time, it will begin to heal. Now no one mentions my husbandonly me I want to say his name and share our memories.but other peoples lives carry on.and I am left with mine blown apart. I lost my husband August 22nd 2018 and I too visit the grave site nearly every day, and pray to God to let me be with my love. I lost my sister over 2 years ago and as you can see, Im up at 12 AM on a workday looking for some words of encouragement. Our world was turned upside down and inside out. I pray, I go to church and lay in my husbands arms but still no relief. I crie often even in my sleep, I dont think it will ever stop been this way for me. Barbara- I hear and feel you loud and clear. Sometimes I find myself asking Did this really Happen? My husband had alzheimers disease for 8 years and the past 3 years of that time were very hard, as his memory slipped away more and more. My husband was murdered and four months later my beloved dog died. Since then, I have no clue or direction with what to do with my life. Then put off the blue, he had a seizure that led to the diagnosis of a brain tumour, which we were later told was inoperable and high grade. I wish all of the posters, that god gives you the strength to be happy, smile, to know that your not really alone. Love and thoughts to everyone who have spoken of the pain, we sadly have to suffer. I hope that mine never ends, but that it changes and that I can be of use in this world that I still live in. Rest in peace dad." "Our love for you is as strong as ever, Dad. I think I just feel like I just dont care anymore. I thought getting through the first year would be the hardest but as it turns out year two is just as bad. This friend just had to rub salt in the wounds when she observed you worked so hard to lose all that weight, and now its all come back. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. 5. I guess my advice: allow yourself to feel whatever you feel whenever you feel and have a really good friend willing to let it all happen however you need. I just cant see me with anyone else. https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&docid=102018088&srcid=share. I saw a counsellor after that which helped- I was numb after that. Now, Im in year two and I feel like Ive awoke from a coma. Any advise? In February of last year, my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer. You are in mourning feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. Am I going nuts, or do others feel this way at times also. Today is the one year mark of my fathers passing and i can honestly say im no closer today than a year ago to finding any relief from the heartache i have felt since he left us. This helped me a lot. I have good, great days, then.. ___days.I thank Gid fot the precious memories.. I just miss him so much words cannot describe. I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. Nicely written by Emma J Andrews. I lost my brother five years ago at the age of 43. Its been two years next month since my husband died we were together 52 years we knew each other 56 years. Excuse me BRUHH - Castro. Im grateful for the love and time I had with them and I try to look forward to the future for my daughter, All of my parents (mine and my husbands) are aging and sick. I havent eaten a real meal since it happened. able to spend every minute with her. Especially the what ifs and could I have done more for him and remembering his courage during cancer treatment even at the time of his passing. Just stay out of my life Im going to do what I want to do I am in love I am happy he loves me just leave me alone and let me have a life. The first year was mostly like a in shock, autopilot, anxiety driven adrenaline survival mode. Im just over a year without my darling wife.. We all have a whole lot in common whether its short or long term living marriage, a lover, a friend or a family loved one. even though she had been ill a long time she was taken in an It's been two years since you're . unexpected way. I dont think I can love again. Most days are normal; Im dating a wonderful man who also understands grief, because he lost his twin to murder 10 yrs ago, and Ive seen it hit him hard on his brothers wedding anniversary. Take care all of you & we know were not alone experiencing this. He fell and hit his head, passing away very suddenly. I came home to be with her after my brother died 2-1/2 years before. I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks its called, Something You Get Though by Willie Nelson look it up. My husband passed 2.5 years ago leaving myself and my 6 young children devastated. We had planned to do so much during his retirement which never materialised. I love who she helped me become and that is a sweet reminder of her. Maybe someone else's grief doesn't affect you in the same way or much at all. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. Do I really like this person. Though true, it doesnt help. i found myself googling for months trying to understand the event how it happened and could i have avoided it. Looking for an answer. Year number 1 I was numb. I was sitting there totally blank, I want to cry knowing he wont be able to come home with us but theres nothing, I was trying to processed what happened but I just dont get it. I too have some wonderful children and grandchildren but they have their own life and like Norma said until you are in the spouse club you really cant understand this lose. You can use the IRS' Where's My Refund? Also took her mind of it to for a bit. I just can not move forward as fast as they can. As I reflect on the past five years, I've remembered some things and forgotten others; I've grown; I've surprised myself in a lot of ways.