And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. Determines whether the visitor has accepted the cookie consent box. I'm f**kin' serious! Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Teach them to question what they read. "One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. They own you. From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. ", 56. "Bulls**t is truly the American soundtrack. They own you. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. The ID is used for targeted ads. "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. Then youre just what theyre looking for. ", 48. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. You throw out the first three commandments, wssst! Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. "In America, anyone can become president. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? At all. . So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. Enter your email address to follow Motley News. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? ", 27. The sp_t cookie is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. It covers the most famous 'rant' part of the speech. Now having somewhat successfully established my Press credentials and And I didn't really care in the first place. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Then you live in an old age home. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The __qca cookie is associated with Quantcast. They got you by the balls. This is a consent cookie set by Dailymotion to store the CCPA consent string (mandatory information about an end-user being or not being a California consumer and exercising or not exercising its statutory right). I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". Vimeo installs this cookie to collect tracking information by setting a unique ID to embed videos to the website. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. Thats against their interests. Thats right. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. -George Carlin There you are. You're down to seven. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. But once youre born, youre on your own. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. ", 15. No president has done right by us. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. ", 42. ", 17. ", 66. Everybody says they suck. Let's start with critical race theory. You don't. You have no choice. I had an imaginary friend. These George Carlin quotes on life showcase his wit, ingenuity and geniusand, occasionally, his potty mouth, which was part of his signature charm. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. ", 119. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Just like homeless people. Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. ", 58. After that, they don't want to know about you. ", 32. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. ", 76. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. '", 78. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Because you have the illusion of choice. (LogOut/ ", 30. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? ", 125. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. CMPS cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads. ", 94. Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. This cookie is associated with Yahoo Search Analytics and is used for advertising purposes. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. The rights and the rights of property. ", 3. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? You caused the problem. YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. They want your fuckin retirement money. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. Individualists. December 2, 2015, 3:27 PM. ", 7. The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod, 11 Christmas Movies To Watch If Youre Dealing With Heartbreak Over TheHolidays. ", 26. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. . And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But dont participate; it will be your death. After that, they dont wanna know about you. ", 8. Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. ", 95. Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . You don't. George Carlin. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. ", 34. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. You ever notice that? Amen and Awomen. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. ", 40. ", 60. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? From Life Is Worth Losing. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. 3 queens who slayed while imitating Rep. George Santoss drag alter ego, Kitara Rivache, Libs Of TikTok's Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, Tennessee issues trans healthcare ban & nation's first drag ban. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. "The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. they don't wanna know about you. "My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. What if I want to have a crappy day? It also helps for marketing automation solution for B2B marketers to track customers through all phases of buying cycle. They don't want to hear from you . His entire bit is included in the nearly two-minute video perfectly conjoined with photos of Trump and the results of his administration flood the screen. This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Carlin was known for keeping things real, and his funny jokes were sure to get a laugh out of anyone. It will not be with jack-boots. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube 0:00 / 0:37 George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 502 Share 35K. Everybodys going to save something now. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. ", 7. 2. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. 02. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. ", 85. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. ", 6. The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. ", 124. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. Learn how your comment data is processed. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. I mean, life is tough. "There's a humorous side to every situation. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. ", 53. Like the public. "It helps to remember this.. It's so f**kin' heroic. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. ", 37. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians.