I dont think I will ever be able to understand it and it scares the HELL out of me when once in a while I think I get inside of his mind what he thought process was to abuse me. By the time I left, I hardly knew who I was anymore. Saving the relationship when youre the only one trying is tough but it doesnt always mean your relationship should be scrapped. I threw myself into my work to keep my mind occupied, and although I was present for my son Noah, I wasnt present in myself. What happened was, my ex husbands lawyer kept canceling the hearings, four months later they just dropped the case, by then I was so distraught. 10 weeks ago she abandon the whole entire family and moved from Texas to London England to be with him. the other part of me knows that he will never accept the blame or even address it so I am not kidding myself. We had 2 amazing little girls but right after the second one her first Xmas, 10 days before my wife says shes going to get Advil and doesnt come home. Tonight while in bed at my place we had an argument. Im sure they wouldnt like knowing she abandoned her kids. Cant sleep without the sleeping pills or wine. I hold my vows very close to my heart. I noticed subtle differences in her towards me, emotionally. You need to look great now. As the weeks turn into Month I am beginnning to think it was for the best. Granted, I was pretty screwed up but I found a new place, was diagnosed with PTSD, arranged therapies, and prepared to leave. A lot of times people will stay in an unhappy relationship until they meet someone new that gives them motivation to finally leave. Two months ago she said it was over with him. When she declared she was leaving to focus on her own happiness I was both frightened and relieved. The kids were emotional wreck thing of this, so I told lawyer I hired that we were muddy the waters and I will take the pfa so the kids dont have to go thru this. No one warned me that the "change of life" meant that I would be at war with my own body . It double complicates the matter when youre a Christian, because the Bible says, Whom God has put together, let man not separate. betrayal and lies are very tough, especially if you never get to address things, and never have real closure. But most of the time do not want to come home. I just didnt know about it. I have never felt so humiliated in all my life. That some young girl paid attention to him. Was going to deal it away in 3 days if I would sign custody modification. Are you close with his family? In many cases, there were no common interests to start with, making coming back together even harder. Im devastated. Yea, meeting otherpeople may be fun for a little while, but coming home to someone who knows you inside out is un-irreplaceable. None of these are what God intended for marriage. In this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel. Then we play/claim victim. Everyone says it gets better but I can see myself 19 years from now crying and asking why as well. A year ago I found out he had cheated on me and me wanting to be a good wife and loving him with all I am I took him back and worked on what he said made him do it. He said he didnt want it to escalate so he left. Any suggestions please. I have had to completely restart from scratch without anything and I think I would have to suffer this a thousand times again rather than live like that ever again. So how does one go on with life and ever feel love again??? So made loads of effort to make her life more enjoyable. "It's impossible to please you.". Help, Good Therapy!!!! very hard. I have never felt so betrayed in my life and never would of thought I would become a statistic. As woman we must always trust our gut, I wish I had so many times. If you didnt it wouldnt be human. Is there something wrong with me. Below are the top five reasons for leaving that I hear about while working with divorcing couples in my therapy practice. If you are not than this is a problem that needs solved, as I am sure you would be right at his side if roles were reversved. He worked days. He doesnt seem to understand that his actions create conflict in our relationship. In fact I think I hate him more now than I did then. What do I do to save my marriage or how do find the strength to leave? He blames everything on me told his brother that I made his daughter hate him. I genuinely believe she has and will continue to put the children in even remote danger by having what I would consider strangers move into their place. And my daughter swore she counted 12 stacks after her mother went upstairs. Im questioning whether he really knows what love is xo I do. They will keep you occupied to not think about how bad you feel, at least some of the time. And it definitely should not be limited to the 5 mentioned here. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. The only one I feel sad about is our son, they used to be so close ,its as though he is jealous of how his own sons life is going so great, has his dream job , his youth and health and trys to make US feel guilty about HIS life choices that he still insists on taking , even though the jobs he takes are for longer spells on the other side of the world and with every excuse why he cant phone , email ( no or little Internet ) give out his address or even post a letter, cant send him birthday cards or presents ( post to expensive and cant trust the mail ) When you are ready to tell your story Wendy , you will be amazed on how it flows. Individuals who lost 5 percent of their body weight over the course of four years were more likely to feel depressed . Nothing has meaning. We have been married for 4 years and together for 7. Now . Its hard to keep it together plus take care of kids. Married 3 with a baby, also 3. I have spoke with him hundreds of times about sticking together when problems would arise with the girls. Thank you so much. Her dad used to financially bail her out and her mum often was overbearing and smothered her. That is the latest science. Im still not sure how he just left us like that. Last September she said we were over due to the fact of me cheating with her friend. What about: Anytime l confronted him about anything l was TRIPPING. She is bipolar and has legal issues along with immigration issues. I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. Copyright 2013 GoodTherapy.org. God bless and take care sweetheart. I just want her back.. My husband left me about 19 years ago we were best friends for some years but when we got married he walked out on me I had broken my leg and was using cruches to get around he left me when I needed him the most I dont know why he left me he never tried to find me to explain hisself or why he did what he did nothing bad happened between us I cant seem to get pass this I think about what he did to me everyday and nite for the past 19 years I have been emotionaly upset over this and dont know what to do i just want answers. She told me she had more energy than everyone in her family and felt like she was waisting away. We have a beautiful son together. Why do this horrific act?? Let him feel remorse for a little while and give him the time to miss you and appreciate you once again. I ate a chocolate mousse cake not that long ago! I haven't eaten or slept roperly in 2 weeks. Despite this he kept seeing me but would say we have to keep it casual so u can cope. And how the friends of a man or woman who then leaves there partner for another is accepted. Drugs and cheating were problems in the past. I am unsure what to do. Congrats!! at a point i discover she lies always. My fianc and I live far away from each other and maybe see each other every other weekend. Barking dogs are stressing him out and him yelling at the neighbours stresses me out. And thats not bad advice either, but self-help books are incredibly helpful for getting over your pain. One thing we never were was abusive to each other but this morning in particular she punched me in the face out of anger. I was willing and able to do what it took, but he was committed to the fact that it wouldnt work. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. I begged begged prayed prayed prayed and became closer to god than I ever had been in my life.. my wife slept in a coma state almost ever day for over a year. And I am 129 lbs 5-4, & socially bi resulting from his pillow talk request, so he has had many fantasies come true. Then I found out that she had actually gone away with her ex husband, and our daughter slept at a friends house to make it look good. The taint of desperation lingers at my heals and I fight to be encouraging to two son who have lied to and thrown away as I have like trash. They feed off your emotions , reel you in with false promises then get off with pumped up ego when you crumble -thinking you couldnt possibly live without their superior super human selves. She will never understand just how much hurt she had made so many people feel so she could be selfish and live like a teenager ignoring the fact she has kids watching. But I felt like he had used me and that he had only married me to have a life he would otherwise never have had. Definitely start working out. You are definitely not alone. When I first found out he said he would never leave me but now she has said she cant live undercover. 2. I will have to let go and I cant see her changing given my history. Then I returned to the essence of me. Why are you so hurt and feel this way? After learning about their relationship I still want to be with her. Followed by admitting adultery in a surprising amount of detail (think she was proud). I was paralyzed, I couldnt stop thing about her about us about him about our kids about the hell they were living in. I am not trying to portray myself as a prince but I have given this woman my everything,My heart my soul my compassion, my trust my loyalty,My everything.And she just shattered everything to pieces.She takes a lot of meds for her mental and Physical problems,and she is going through Menopause. You knew I would beg at your feet. We started dating young and it was really a fairytale relationship. Some of those things that seem like just cute little quirks can be the tip of the iceberg. I have the greatest respect for those who endure the bad times and work to resolve and remedy their challenges. I asked him for an explanation. Im not perfect and have owned and taken responsibility for all my faults but the blame. Seriously, scared me. Either that or he will be here to stay. I know that was never her intention to use me, thats just not her. Im so confused, I dont know where to turn. It sounds like hes pretty unhappy, and possibly with himself. Life can throw some major challenges your way. These are really dated terms. At some point its not worth wondering about your spouse because you can never really rationalize behavior that stems from this kind of illness. I want to leave my husband, and I dont know how to make him understand. Dont tell her youre hiring a lawyer, and hire one anyway if you need to. There had been so many years apart and having four children between the two of us makes moving forward difficult to say the least. They started talking all the time. I dont know if he has fallen for her, if it is a mid life crisis or what. I felt guilty and blamed myself. It makes it easier to reach this point again. She has a steady job and will not leave it. Please help I feel like Im drowning and dont know how to protect my kids from the pain they will feel, I feel horrible for you, this is going to be a very hard time but youre going to have to focus on the kids. One of the biggest mistakes a wife can make with a husband in midlife crisis, though, is pushing him to fix things. Sign the SBP, 10 yr rule for half his retirement and get your cs and alimony. Orr T. (2022). Wife Abandonment - My husband suddenly left me. He says he loves me very much but is not in love with me I am devastated feel like Im dying inside. And the same is true of your new companion. Like dressed hair nails etc for dances. And I want you to know that its not impossible. Latter he leaves the house and stay for days, some times weeks without telling me his whereabouts. I read somewhere that narcsassists will never loose any sleep over our pain . We have gone through alot in our marriage to include a long custody battle with my ex and having financial trouble years ago, as a result. Before too long the walks and talks became much more intimate and 8 months after we connected, she left her family. Oh well, f$%# her! Dont let her make you crazy. Our new counselor really seems to understand our real issue, which is communication on a very big level. My wife started suffering from post partem depression around his first birthday and I have been watching her slowly recede into herself over the last 9 months. We have been married 2 and a half years, and together for 4. my wife just left me refused to talk or tell our two children and left it all to me in the midst of all my anger and hurt this has caused my kids to completely disown their mother even thou I have asked and beg them to have contact and an on going relationship with her . Its just unreal. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. It happened only once and was not discovered by anyone. Since than we had a very bad fight only one day after my 40th birthday and l havent heard from him scence. She stayed in the house wanting to go straight from our house to her new one. This happens slowly and mysteriously until, one day, there are no common interests and someone gets bored and wants to move on. Pray, Give it to God and keep Faith. Whats the message? I am devastated. I feel alone, hurt and abandoned. If you want to get over the pain and suffering, the best thing you can do is forgive your husband and move on with your life. Although I was half expecting it in the weeks leading up to the night we separated, the impact was greater than anything I have experienced. Every morning I wish I did not have to wake up because it is a torture for me to go through the day feeling pain. I just want some kind of advice i feel like there is no reason to live anymore It was a struggle. 1. Good luck with Thanksgiving maybe they will be nicer to you this year since youre going through this nightmare. Youre an excellent father and she should be happy to have you. 3. Then I found out she was getting more meds from a dentist at times . I stuck a fork in it, took a picture and called it therapy.! She asks for more and more me days and now I have the kids every single weekend. My experience was so unbelievable that I was in shock, I was diagnosed with PTSD later on. I asked my wife to meet me when she got off work which was later and later than years ago. I dont think I will ever be able to trust again, I wonder everyday why I even want to remain on this earth if there is so much evil here. I dont know if anyone will ever love me again! It doesnt take much, all it takes is a little time and effort to help you get through this hard time. She left and went there dad and sister tree planting mothers. I know how you feel Matt, im so sorry for you. And thats not good because he wont want to be with anyone who cant keep her self-respect. Go to the gym to tske out your anger, watch movies to get out of your painful world for awhile. During this time my Family saw the truth, because my ex husband and his girlfriend did so many cruel things. Both parties have kids. Love yourself first before you love others. How can we say such things to each other, and then she goes away with him? I did what every online blog said not to do. He was two weeks into an emotional affair, and he says, wanted to do the right thing by not cheating on me. You don't feel understood. Knowing there was no future is what killed me. I certainly wouldnt feel the need to reply with a comment if someone suggested to see a Rabbi BECAUSE IT DOESNT APPLY TO ME. He was messing with a female on his ship one pay grade lower and still got away with it. "I am in a no win situation.". Hi.im married to my husband forfor 4 years.i made more money than him.I stuck by him through his madness.Drinking and drugging.He never went for help.I always felt he was doing what he wanted because he just wanted to.I cared for him too much.I let my guard down.He now has a better job and only four months being employed,he says we have nothing in common, we should be friends.He not used to anything.Now he gets another chance of living a better life, hes gone.All he did was lie to me . What I can say is once you read what others have to say your self esteem and self worth will rise and give you wings as you realize none of it is YOUR fault , they will never change and can only love themselves ! My wife of 17 years left me while I was at work we were planning a trip to Disney with our 2 boys . We fell apart in every way possible. Its easy to get trapped in black-and-white thinking, but you will need to expand your concept of the situation to truly heal. What a way to throw a wrench in! My advice is let it be man, theres no point of crying over spoiled milk.u cant respect a woman that made a choice like that. Last night after 2 weeks of the cold shoulder and acting distant my bf of 4 years said hes leaving me. help me please. The kids will see you live life happier and fuller than ever before and they will follow suit. I have faith in you and hopefully me reaching out will help show while there is real evil, there is real good in the world. Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. The right man will respect what you have been through, he will be patient and kind and above most understanding. You may still love him but being gay is not a choice. we moved out with each other when she was 17 and I was 22. It took some comments by others, even his own family to see how much I compensated and accommodated. So I do understand what I am going through and why. Feeling an onslaught of negative emotions may make you want to reach for things that can immediately make you feel better. My husbanda and u got married at a very young age, I was 20 and he was 23. I fell deeply and it was the hardest six months of my life. This is going to be GREAT. Practice letting go. When its over When you split up, you may find it very hard to let go of your ex-partner. Anyone in your situation would be willing to do anything to save their relationship, but broken trust and betrayal like this is very hard to get over. Yes, it sucks, but im young, and life does go on i suppose only time will tell if this is a permanent seperation or not. My husband of 32 years has just announced that he never loved me and is moving out. Admittedly, infidelity has been a factor over th years with at least 3 incidents in th past with 1 most recent being 6 months into our marriage. This is unacceptable behavior from your husband. Our self esteem is 0!! Despite the length of a relationship, each partner must be committed to doing their share of the work, and communicating their own needs. We spoke daily our entire relationship and had never even apart more than a few days. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. It is just devastating Im loosing her and also wont see my kids as much. She has made a huge mistake and she will have to deal with that and the hurt she has caused you and your children for the rest of her life. Hi E said tonight for the first time ever that he doesnt love me. Just have to keep moving forward. Pschycopath, sociopath or narcissist, because he has no empathy, guilt, nothing, no feeling..this is hard for me to grasp, because I feel its my fault and I have fix it or me There You go!! Trust Him to emotionally get you through (one set of footprints in the sand means He is carrying you thru this!!!). He was determined. Watch your dignity return. You will recover and you will be loved xxx, Hi, Then we blame. Ive taken 2 sessions of therapy now as I was so devastated and one thing I was told is that Im not alone. My doctors didnt know how to help me. Then, the suggestion clearly doesnt apply. This took time, and I was doing ok with the new found insights and I left therapy thinking I was now ok and that I needed to move on in life. I still would. Btw He also says they wont get by with their adultery! We have seen these in all of the breakup movies.. Mean while you no longer car because there just arent enough years left in my life to even care about. She manipulated the men that followed her to gas station. I think we both used sex to cope with stress. Megan. Hes dating without any problem Im sure. This whole situation is crazy. Keep me posted on how things are going for you. We lost our connection several years before I left. If you loved me he wouldnt of left me. hi m Jesika m only 20 yrs old n my boyfriend which turns about 34 yrs who is already got married n divorced. Just type online discussion forums into any search engine and youll find plenty of forums that can help you get through this. You may never get the answer you are looking for from your partner, but there are several common reasons why someone leaves a relationship. Here Are 5 Reasons Why Your Husband Refuses To End Your Unhappy Marriage, Even If You're Both Miserable. I married my husband less then one year ago. My case is not the only abuse of this restraining order trick. I took them back Monday and that was that. Theres no right or wrong way to grieve a relationship, but there are ways you can help yourself and find closure. Three years ago, when Carol Moffa divorced her husband after, she says, putting up with a lot of "crap" over the years, she was downright scared. I asked him to leave in my anger and three days later while I was at work he moved out without telling me. What city and state are you in? How can I be so blind. When she does she simply says she doesnt want to be married anymore. My break ups I had a choice die, lay in my bed forever and lose my job, or take the bull by the horns and say I am a good person and I deserve better!! The unfortunate truth is unless two people are willing to work on a marriage it will never work. Use your resources when someone is trying to mess with you . Im SO GLAD I am off that (not so) Merry go round come roller coaster rides through dark depressive rides in and out of sadness. My wife of 10 years left 4 weeks ago and hasnt looked back. How do I get thru this pain? What about when he abandons you because you wont be his beard anymore? I may not even want him back after all.